[Meta] The super simple 50 step guide to advanced masturbation!

howto
1
  1. Open drawer.
  2. Take out Keon and sleeve warmer.
  3. What sleeve to pick? This one.
  4. Did it dry properly? Eh. Kinda…
  5. Take Sleeve out of case.
  6. Check for mold. Lucky me.
  7. Dry off inside.
  8. Redust with Talcum.
  9. Lube it up.
  10. Put it on the sleeve warmer.
  11. Wait where did I put my charger brick uhhhhh… there it is.
  12. You know what? I’ll go all out today. Grab Powerblow.
  13. Ugh… I forgot that stuff… Take out Sleeve.
  14. Rummage in Drawer and grab Powerblow compatible case.
  15. Put Sleeve in there.
  16. Screw Powerblow onto Sleeve.
  17. Stick sleeve on the sleeve warmer.
  18. Shit. Did that piece of shit Keon even charge properly? … Let it run for 20 seconds. No police lights pls? UGH… Fuuuuuck!
    18.1 resist urge to throw overpriced piece of tech against the wall.
  19. Take out the neck strap from the Keon, because the fucking charging port is there!?
  20. Look for a MicroUSB cable… Who the fuck still has a MicroUSB cable… There it is.
    20.1 No wait wrong way, the thinner side of the port is on the bottom. Why did they make it like this. Whyyyy?!
  21. Plug Keon into PC cause I don’t wanna look for another charger brick. It’ll load while I choose a vid.
  22. Browse EroScripts… Okay. I guess there’s like 5? videos with .suck scripts that I would watch. It’s something at least.
  23. Download way too large video and tiny script. At least the Keon is charging…
  24. Intiface has no Powerblow support. … Okay. Fine. Open Firefox.
  25. Firefox won’t pair. OKAY! FINE! Open Chrome. (Literally only have it for this singular use case. Fuck Chrome.)
  26. Thank Satan, PowerBlow is still in the session in XToys. Load the script folder.
  27. Pair Powerblow to XToys.
  28. Check sleeve. Too hot/cold.
  29. Let it cool down/warm up again.
  30. Open Video Player and the Video.
  31. Open Intiface and start server.
  32. Unplug Keon and pair it to Intiface.
  33. Open MultiFunPlayer. Connect to Video Player and to Intiface.
  34. Hook Case into Keon.
  35. Put neck strap back in so I don’t drop it and it instantly breaks. (Fuck Kiiroo, but also more chill like that.)
  36. Adjust Strap.
  37. Finally get comfy!
  38. Play Video, okay works. Pause. Skip to end of video.
  39. That thing needs way more lube! Lube more.
  40. Press play on .suck script in XToys, precisely when video restarts in Video player.
  41. No wait. Try again. There it is.
    Finally! After like one hour of prep!
  42. Cum in about 10 seconds, because I’ve been edging to other vids while prepping.
  43. Grab a drink. Take a piss… okay maybe later.
  44. Wait for refractory period to end…
  45. Try again and actually enjoy it!
  46. Cleanup time… Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck. Close 8 windows.
  47. Disassemble Keon/Powerblow/Fleshlight Amalgam.
  48. Rinse case and wash sleeve.
    48.1 Question life choices.
  49. Dry it all off and apply the powder.
  50. Put it all back in the drawer.

It’s really that simple!!!

1 Like
2

I get what you are saying, which is why my setup is optimized for ease of use.

  1. I use xbvr running on my NAS, so all my scripts and videos are matched up.
  2. I use HereSphere on my Quest 3. It quickly connects to xbvr over wifi and I can browse all my content. I can search by tags, performers, and/or studios. I get previews of the videos and can see heatmaps for the scripts.
  3. My Handy is on a heavy duty microphone arm attached to my desk. I can pull it up, squirt some lube in, and position it easily. The joints are tight enough to keep the Handy in position as it moves.
  4. HereSphere controls the Handy over wifi - no PC needed.
  5. Play a video and enjoy.
  6. For cleanup I position my Handy’s sleeve over a trash can and let it drip dry. For more thorough cleaning I wipe out the closed sleeve with a baby wipe and squirt a bit of toy cleaning foam inside.

I understand folks want the “best experience” by using other toys. I have several myself! But the Handy’s ease of use really puts it head and shoulders above everything else in my experience.

I want to jerk off, not troubleshoot.

3 Likes