A little about me
I run a review site. I’ve been around Eros since before its inception (RealTouchScripts, Milovana). Some might even call it the days of Analog Masturbation. Anywhoooo, I finally had time to organize everything into one mega thread. Hope you like the format, I will edit and add to it along the way.
Why care what I say?
- I’ve tested a wild range of devices, from early experiments to the latest smart toys.
- I care about honest, real-world results, not just specs on a box.
- I’m not shy about calling out safety or comfort red flags. Learned that one the hard way, lol.
- I made my own sex toys before people even realized you could. Yes, I truly believe I was one of the first people to realize THE WAND for women could give men an orgasm by pushing it on the frenulum. And yes I had The Wand. I was always buying cool tech for my girlfriends at the time. But sometimes, I got curious haha.
What I’ve actually used
- Classics and OG stuff: The Real Touch
- Premium spinners: The Vorze
- Big-brand experiments: The Launch
- Electro-stim machines
- Random Amazon specials that were… let’s just say educational
- Many different vibrators
- Prostate massagers
- Modern standouts:
I’m proud to say I’ve stuck my privates in a majority of electronic toys out there. Or stuck majority of toys into me as well! Some of those choices were questionable, some landed me in the hospital. Anything for a better orgasm, right. I still haven’t tried a farm-grade milking machine because holy price tag batman and I don’t own cows. But end of the day, I risk my penis, so you don’t have to. That is some hero shit!
My Philosophy
I have Zero shame about loving sex tech. I’ve watched this space evolve from clunky plastic tubes to legit smart devices. For a long time, male toys were the punchline while vibrators learned kung fu. It’s better now. Not perfect, but defintely better.
*
Quick links
Classic & OG Toys
Modern Devices
Handy Add-Ons & Sleeve Collections
- Handy Mod Bundle Review
- Ultimate Handy Sleeve Showdown – Chrysm vs Lips
- Handy Open-Ended Sleeve Collection Review
- Dream Sleeve Collection Review – One Sleeve to Rule Them All
- Handy Mermaid Collection Sleeve Review + Gen 2
Scripts & Software
Final note
I test this stuff so you don’t have to learn the hard way. I’ll keep adding to this mega thread when new gear shows up, and I’ll keep it 100 about what actually works in real life and what just looks cool on a product page.
Now before the Real Touch, I didn’t even comprehend what robotic sex toys could be capable of.
Let’s just say if that company didn’t go under, social distancing would be a much easier sell to the world. That being said, to this day I kept feeling as though the sex toys since that one have been getting worse and worse. Going for the “safe route” versus the innovative route. I mean sticking a Fleshlight inside a motor that goes up and down is sometimes worse than just using it by hand… looking at you Launch!
Well… ladies and gentlemen, mostly gentlemen, unless you are a lady who wants to relentlessly destroy their man with a machine equivalent to a woman’s version of this:
To the Reviews!
Start here (best first buy)
The Handy
If you think you’ve maxed your daily O-count, this thing will prove you wrong and you’ll kinda thank it after. It’s the closest I’ve felt to “plug in, post orgasm torture initiated!” Not to mention, never ever has a sex toy lasted as long as this has if there were mechanical pieces involved. This thing is a TANK!
Big machines for hands-free bliss
Autoblow AI Ultra
AI mode hits like it means business, then eases off with patterns that actually feel intentional. Video sync is simple and free, which is wild. The fact that it works with the Vacuglide is icing on the cake.
**Autoblow VacuGlide 2 – The Smartest Machine to Ever Suck You Off
Same brutal, slow, sealed suction as VacuGlide 1, but someone fed it WiFi and a personality. You still get the heavy aluminum tower and that hypnotic vacuum stroke, but now with 20 speeds, ultra slow edging (around 10 strokes per minute), and built-in “Experiences” that ramp, tease, and back off without you button-mashing your way through a session.
Go online and it turns into a full control center: browser remote, shareable links for partner control, AI Autopilot that tries to edge you on its own, and an AI chat buddy that actually changes speed and suction based on how spicy the conversation gets. Official video sync works and feels more like riding the energy of the scene than frame-perfect scripting. Third-party tools like FapTap, funscripts, and AI stuff such as SyncMo are clearly the endgame here, but support is still catching up, so think “insanely good milker right now, terrifyingly powerful platform once the ecosystem matures.”
Autoblow VacuGlide
Vacuum power, metal build, near silent. Premium price, but it finally nails the slow, sealed suction vibe that most toys promise and miss. It is the true definition of Hands Free Milking, whether you want to or not!
Fleshlight Launch
Feature packed, connects to tons of content, and pretty sleek. It’s impressive, but the Fleshlight limitation shows up now and then, so set your expectations.
The Handy ecosystem (sleeves and add-ons)
Mod Bundle - If Spongebob made sex sleeves!
Three sleeves, three moods. Mod Tight is your first girlfriend that didn’t know what she was doing but it felt great, Mod Core is the everyday winner, Mod Long is, well, if you fit in this… congrats on the genetics lotto. The dual layer build legit upgrades the feel.
Dream Sleeve Collection - One Sleeve to Rule Them All
Lotus is smooth and deep, Touch brings high texture, Lips is the star with that subtle suction bubble up top. My go-to when I want reliable wow.
Mermaid Collection Gen 2
Rollercoaster sensations with bumps and ridges for days. Thrilling when you want a theme park of texture. Pairs great with slower, teasing scripts too.
Open-Ended Sleeves - Messy but unique
Open ends stop that top-bubble feeling and speed cleanup, but can drip into the machine if you mount upright. Can absolutely nail the head / shaft distinction in some scripts.
Chrysm vs Lips showdown
Chrysm has texture and an air hole, but suction performance is meh unless you flip it inside out. Lips just works across content and keeps winning best sleeve of the year.
Scripts and software
Eternal Enigma
Old school Cock Hero meets modern VR and sync, with full voice acting and AI. It feels like a seductive narrator in your head while your device stays in lockstep. I cannot recommend this enough. It’s such a modern take on the Cock Hero genre that told you a story to keep your dick hard vs a machine or flash bangs to your cerebral cortex!
SyncMo - The AI Browser
There’s something almost holy about digging up an old clip you used to fantasize to. You know the one—the resolution sucks, the lighting is questionable at best, but the memory of it? Unmatched.
Now picture that same video synced to your Handy. Or Lovense. Or Kiiroo. No scripts. No setup. Just AI wizardry turning nostalgia into a physically responsive experience.
Welcome to SyncMo.
Retro hall of fame
The RealTouch
Encoded videos that mapped perfectly to belts, lube dispenser, and heat had me praying, laughing, then absolutely sold. It was real thing 2.0 before anyone else. Sad to see it gone.
Vorze A10 Cyclone
Quiet motor, multiple sleeves, actual build quality, and easy cleanup. It felt like future tech that finally let me take my hands off for real. It also chaffed like a mofo!
I hope to continue to bring you my experiences and I hope they are helpful on your sexual journeys! Let me know if there is anything you would like reviewed that I haven’t! I have unique access to many products.
DISCLAIMER:
I write the majority of my own work. AI is a tool, and I have used it since it first became available; it helps me catch repetitions, proofread, and be more effecient. 
I understand the pitfalls and stigma around using AI —em dashes included— after all, why should someone read your work if you did not take the time to write it all yourself?
Even if so much of my work has been written before AI even existed, I am adding this disclaimer so this thread does not get derailed. I share posts here because I enjoy this community and want to help others make better choices about products I get the privilege to review. Deciding if utilizing AI to help write those makes my thoughts and words less important to you, is going to be your choice. But now you are able to make that choice. If you have any concerns, DM me, do not derail the topic with your semantics, make a new thread.