God-tier DIY lube: Apparently nobody here knows this recipe

DIY
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I had to make an account just to share this. I have put in a lot of effort in the discovery process here; now it’s down to a science and you all need to know about it.

If this information helps you, give me social creds lol.

Ok, so most of you spend money on lube. Stop doing that. Yes, J-lube, J-lube, X-lube, emulsifiers, humectants, etc etc. Stop that right now.

Go to your nearest Sprouts. Buy Golden Flax seeds in bulk. Boil them and stir for about 10 minutes. The characteristics of the final product strongly depends on how much you mix while boiling. Your preferences for the consistency will be different, but in the past I have used an eggbeater while it boils. Strain. Profit.

Obviously it will expire after a day or 2 so keep it in the fridge or use it same day.

Ok now here is the God-tier part: When you try it and feel a sudden impulse to thank me profusely I want you to know something potentially super dangerous.

This is how I do it now: Bialetti - New Venus Induction, Stainless Steel Stovetop Espresso Coffee Maker, Suitable for all Types of Hobs, 6 Cups (7.9 Oz), Copper,Silver https://a.co/d/bHp0bJJ

I remove the coffee holding part so it’s just the seive and the base and the top. I boil it SLOWLY!! THIS CAN GO VERY VERY WRONG IF FOR SOME REASON THE SEIVE CANNOT VENT THE PRESSURE FROM THE BASE QUICKLY ENOUGH FOR WHATEVER REASON. IT COULD EXPLODE INTO WHAT WOULD EFFECTIVELY BE A MINIATURE PRESSURE COOKER BOMB AND BLIND AND BURN YOU HORRIBLY. DONT DO IT. DONT. DO. IT.

But…it’s how I do things. lol I’m just very careful. But seriously, it’s better you don’t risk it. I’m stupid. Or perhaps I love the idea of a single ubiquitous ingredient, non-eyebrow raising, self-sanitizing, no-mess, 10-minute, good-for-the-skin, God-tier lube recipe I can make in front of my friend/relative before heading back to my room with my “espresso” in hand and locking the door. Who really knows? It’s probably the former tho.

Lastly, if you add in 3 or 4 drops of coconut oil, I promise you, you will never look for a different lube again. I would choose any product lube even if it was completely free. It’s not even close.

All you folks suffering in ignorance until now are welcome. Now give me my social creds plz.

So, after you try it out, let me know. Am I right?

4 Likes
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Some typos and stuff; just infer the corrections yourself since I either cannot edit or don’t know how yet.

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Spoiler alert. I’m so right that it hurts.

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im curious is this more of like a oily glycerin lube, or is it more similar to like nuru gel? I never really cared for most western lubes because they tend to be oily but love most japanese ones because they can slick bust also stringy. My go to is seaweed extract mixed with water to desired consistency. But this has piqued my interest.

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Youtube this please. You can set to visible only when link known.

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What is the life of the product in the fridge?

Also as I type this I am thinking to myself, " cold lube?" :cold_face:

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I’m confused. You are asking me to show the process? Maybe not YouTube, something more anonymous you know of?

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You can warm it up in the microwave and it will probably improve the performance tbh. You have me thinking now about storing it for an extended period of time above 140F. The musculage, which is the main component of interest, degrades just below boiling (at stp for water) apparently. However, I would actually say that surpassing this temperature has a beneficial effect on the end result based on personal experience.

If you take the strained lube and put it back into the seeds and boil it again (and possibly a 3rd time) it actually gets even better.

The only way I can describe this qualitative improvement is as a reduction in the coefficient of static friction if that makes sense.

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you know I haven’t tried nuru gel but it has been on my radar as super promising. I imagine it’s similar but I have no idea.

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The best description I have for the consistency is this: imagine you have a really stuffed nose and you blow it into a tissue. lol gross but this is pretty close.

The thing I love most about the flaxseed lube is the complete lack of any residue whatsoever afterwards.

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Oh I should note that I suspect you may be able to extend the shelf-life indefinitely were you to use a dehydrator (vacuum dehydration would be awesome to try too!).

The result would be a plastic like film which you could crush into a powder and then rehydrate. Or yea just rehydrate the film.

I haven’t felt the need to explore this, but I’m fairly certain this would be a fruitful endeavor were you so inclined.

I’m still looking for a good preservative. Salt is not good. Coconut oil seems to extend the shelf life quite considerably with just a small amount and improves the performance too. perhaps it helps separate the musculage from the seeds too? not sure.

Any good recommendations?

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Flaxseed gel is a somewhat common hair gel alternative xD

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…lol, that sounds positively dangerous!

So yea, what’s the point of the espresso machine? Can i not just boil it up vigorously, stirring on the hob? Is the espresso machine a second stage, or just you being sneaky in front of peeps?

For storage, you could freeze it. Put it in an ice cube tray, then you can thaw out wtvr you need as and when.

And just for the record, X-lube is also made from a single ingredient, which is why it’s so awesome, but has a short shelf life.

‘Golden lube, textured like sun
Lays me down, with my mind she runs
Throughout the night, no need to fight
Always so smooth, with golden lube…’

i’ll get my coat…

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You can actually isolate/purify the polysaccharides thickeners from flaxseed gel by precipitation from 60% ethanol (isopropanol should work too). This also gets rid of the flaxseed taste, but its a bit of a mess.

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Does anyone have any thoughts after trying it out?

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The boiling isn’t the hard part. It’s the separation of the seeds from the “lube” that’s a real pain in the ass. The quality of the lube is not homogenously distributed. The part that you’ll find that has the best qualities is closest to the seed itself and does not easily separate without a ton of manual effort. Also the “coefficient of static friction” thing I mentioned earlier can be altered quite in a bad way if you miss this part of the gel. Leaves it more grippy and prone to drying out.

Let’s say you just got done boiling it and dumped it into a sieve. If you did a good job, most of it would not go through. The part that does is alright, but if you were to toss that part and only use the stuff that didn’t go through as easily, you would have a better result.

The moka pot makes things very simple and repeatable. I never fill past the valve. I always put the same amount. To put too few seeds in is the best way to go in terms of safety. If you put too many in or too much water in, I have no doubt it would blow up and do this: https://youtu.be/osQ1Zb5fYZY?si=ib8nlHPZuCaHe71m

It really is stupid to use a moka pot in this manner. I highly recommend you don’t. It may work 100 times before the one time it doesn’t and it cancels your “session” plans…and your eyesight and face.

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I will upload photos of the moka pot method I use, but only so that anyone who doesn’t listen and tries anyway will not make the mistake of using the funnel part that is normally present and, as a result, immediately burn themselves and put a hole in the kitchen ceiling like the guy in the video.

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…so the mocha makes the separation process simple, and removes the best bit of the slime?

i wouldn’t worry too much about mocha, i’ve used mocha pots for decades, they don’t blow up less you really try very hard to do all the wrong things. Chap above spiked his by using too fine a ground, which he packed in tight like wadding, effectively turning his coffee maker into a bomb, which he then proceeded to leave on the ring indefinitely (till he had coffee, so with all that filler it was prob on the ring for ages). And judging from the disgusting state of his mocha he never washed it, or descaled it, this was probably his ‘go to’ method, and after years of neglect and abuse he’d jammed up the valve, destroyed his safety mechanism, and this was a disaster waiting to happen…

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