Married guys and the handy?

Just curious if there are any married guys on here who have shared their handy usage with their wife? How did she take it, were you able to get her to join in the fun? I purchased one back in February but haven’t used it yet because I want to include her in the experience but am worried she is going to get jealous and think she isn’t good enough for me.

Two questions… Do you have a healthy sex relationship with her? Does she use vibrators?

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You just need to present it as something for both of you. Which would be easier if you also buy her an equivalent toy that works with scripts. You can write basic scripts for each other, write scripts to use at the same time together so you have the same experience. Use scripts for scenes you both like if you already use porn together. It really depends on what your relationship is like with your wife.

Like during bdsm play the handy makes a good “torture” device for her to use on you. Tie you down so you cant move.


Yes, we have a healthy sexual relationship and yes she uses viberators during that relationship. Never on her own. I find it hot. I’m just thinking she will not feel the same about the handy as it isn’t sexy, could be viewed as a replacement not an enhancer.

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I initially purchased it to sync with her lovense nora via the xtoys app, but that doesn’t work.

Thats annoying. the issues with these devices always seems to be getting them to sync like that.

Can you get both devices to run the same script?

Though either way any ideas focusing on the high tech connectivity side of the devices is the easiest way to make it awkward when things dont work right. They both have standard “solo” functions right? It’d be best to use them first in ways where there shouldn’t be issues with connectivity.

Like some women find 69 awkward. she could use it on you while you’re going down on her. She can use it as edgeplay on you and save wearing out her arm… Theres lot of possibilities. Maybe keep a little note book of ideas you can come up with that you personally think she would enjoy, so you can share those with her when you bring it up. Have her write some in the book, then put the ideas in a bowl and randomly select them.


Thank you for that response and the great suggestions! This is exactly what I was hoping to get from this post.

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You should be totally fine. My gf and I have so many fucking toys, restraints, and clothing it’s absurd. Adding something like that to the relationship almost seems like it’s suppose to happen naturally. It’s only going to improve sex and trust by being honest and open.


I’ve been toying with the idea of getting a long-ish dildo, strapping it to the Handy, and putting on a VR video with a funscript. My wife has checked out VR porn before, so it wouldn’t be a entirely alien experience for her. Just how to bring it up…hmmm.

Make sure she knows it’s not to replace her, just used when she’s unavailable or unwilling. If you want to bring it into the bedroom focus it on as foreplay, finish with her or only with it if she’s done.

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Yeah we used to have a lot more fun in the bedroom, all kinds of toys, and restraints etc but then our adult children moved back in! It would totally only be used with her as foreplay or masterbation games together!

Such a tough question, but I always say that the people in the relationship, define the relationship.
My wife and I use some toys, but I’m a tad more “wilder” (if you will) than her. Example, when I got my fleshlight a long time ago, she had no issues with it, but she did not want to play with it or watch me or anything. She didn’t have any issue me using it for my solo times, but she didn’t want to join that. After some time she came around and will occasionally pull it out and play together with it. I never pushed the issue and always behaved within our boundaries.
Currently she’s at the point where she doesn’t wanna use the handy together. She was more hesitant about it at first cuz, ya know, it can do it for you but she’s come around to realizing it’s just another toy for my solo time. There has been a tiny bit of talk about using it together but that has been forgotten. So maybe it’s an issue of her warming up to the idea, knowing it’s not a threat, or just getting used to it “being around”. Or maybe it’s just something for your solo time :man_shrugging:

Thank you for understanding. Sounds like a very similar situation. I do not intend to have any solo time as I only want to share these experiences with my wife. I have even thought about throwing it away if I’m never going to bring it up. It’s just something to add to make our sex lives interesting again. We used to be a lot more adventurous together, I dont belive that it’s just normal and want to change it now before it becomes too late. I appreciate your perspective.

If you have that kind of money to just toss out a great toy. Personally I would hold onto it, see what you can discuss with her, and I’m sure you’ve seen that it can hold a dildo too so you def BOTH couple play with it :wink: . Best of luck!

Well I certainly don’t have “that kind of money” I got it on a presale and had to wait 2 months! Lol

Never saw or thought about using it on her, I’ll have to check into those options!

First it was the launch, now it is the osr2. Her only complaint was that there is nothing like this for girls. I was like, exsqueeze me? Then showed her all the different penetration fuck machines etc that are and have been on the market for women. We don’t have one yet, but I did get her the Hitatchi wireless magic wand.

Basically if you both have a healthy relationship with sex and each other than you should bee good. Just don’t forget she has needs as well.

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nothing quite like show and tell

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Guys have been offering great advice here! I was about to offer some tips of my own based on my experience with my S.O., but hearing that you have no intent to use it during solo time makes my advice not as much relevant lol
I think most guys on here (myself included) use it being either single or when our partners are not around or not in the mood

What I would recommend is, as much as you can, say what you are exactly saying here:

Re-assure your wife that she’s irreplaceable and that no toy can replace here, and that you dont intend to ever use it on your own (although thats the best fun with these devices and Im not sure if you will be able to resist the urge to at least try :P)

Hilight that sharing in the experience is the main goal and importance, especially since thats your honest truth - relationships only thrive further on openness and honesty

How is your wife with you watching porn? Do you guys ever watch it together?
If she’s cool with it, then should definitely be easier to bring into the relationship

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Seriously you guys are awesome. No we do not watch porn or engage in solo pleasure as that takes away from sex being between a husband and wife. Your advice is priceless, I’ll let you know how it goes!


I was open an honest with my wife and she has a dildo but only occasionally uses it. I really explained that it was more of stress relief for me and a way to unwind especially when she is not in the mood or tired lol in a way that I enjoy but at the same time our sex life is healthy as well.